When I went into labor, my friend İpek texted me this phrase: “Prepare to feel the love rush.”
I thought, what does that mean, I know what love feels like. And then I met Emine. The first time I held her, my heart pounded, I started to sweat. I felt I had instantly transformed into some kind of hybrid wolverine – woman. To say it was a love rush was an understatement. It was love, it was possession, it was fierce protectiveness. When someone wanted to hold her, my hackles were raised and my tongue got dry. Her first weeks, I cried when holding her because I was so overwhelmed by the love.
After some time, my hormones stabilized and I was able to contain my emotions. No more tears during feedings, at least not from me. I still feel fiercely protective when she has to have a vaccination or is poked and prodded in any way. I still want to punch the teyzes who handle her too roughly. And I still get that pounding heart when I look at her sometimes
I plan to use this blog to explore some of the feelings that surround motherhood. I want to think and write about expectations of motherhood, about the way becoming a mother suddenly changed every priority I had in my life. I want to express my profound wonder at the person I created and who is growing everyday.
Some women complain that motherhood changes them. They say they feel like they have lost their identity; that their lives become only about the baby. Perhaps it’s because I am only 12 weeks post-partum, perhaps because I am back at work and get out of the house, while wishing I was back at home, but I don’t mind at all that my world now revolves around Emine.